


Senju DemonKitty

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [39]
Category: Naruto
Genre: And brings back a pet demon, Butsuma decides the weirdness works in his favor and runs with it, Dark!Hashirama, Demoncat!Tobirama, Do not share for profit, Hashirama wanders into a demon realm as a tike, Here kitty kitty, Izuna lives, Kawarama lives, M/M, Marriage Hunt, Michiya lives, The Senju are just so over the weirdness Hashirama brings into their lives, The Uchiha and Hagoromo are really fucking confused and disturbed, Who he adopts into the family, mentions of violent death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26484850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Tobirama is adopted, Hashirama is a bit darker than expected, Butsuma and Tajima decide to be practical, the Senju decide that caring about the weirdness is going to give them ulcers so they stop caring. Izuna lives and Madara is hunted.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama & Senju Tobirama, Senju Kawarama & Senju Tobirama, Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Izuna, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: Oddball fics [39]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/938265
Comments: 43
Kudos: 401





	1. DemonKitty Growing Up

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to drelfina whose [marriage hunt fics](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1404541) are lovely and amusing, as well as the authors of any number of one shots and short fics that I binge read off of a bookmark list recently.  
> I dunno. _(Did you know it's legal to refuse your employees work if you delegate the decision to call them in to an employee? Yeah. My dad hasn't had work in a month and not because the company he works for is out of work. So I'm stressed and struggling with writers' block.)_ It's weird okay? Enjoy~
> 
>  **Closed hunt:** Parties who are acceptable to either the hunted or their clan head _(traditionally the clan head only passes on the selection the hunted agrees to, but exceptions can be made for various reasons)_. Outside of the selection, no others are allowed to participate. The majority of hunts are this type.
> 
>  **Open hunt:** Parties who are _not_ acceptable may be specified and excluded. Those married or engaged to others are likewise excluded. Other than that, anyone can join _(those within a certain closeness of consanguinity are considered close family for the purposes of the hunt and likewise excluded)_ , which can lead to some disconcerting situations when unexpected parties join in. If they are not on the declared list of exclusions they cannot be excluded once they show up, even if they come from an enemy clan. While in the minority of hunts, this type tends to attract a lot of spectators willing to be entertained by the outcome. And, while hunts are mainly shinobi in origin and execution, this type is sometimes used by nobles or samurai for various reasons. Noble sponsored hunts often have aberrant conditions meant to rig the outcome.
> 
>  **Private hunts:** This type is not uncommon, but always between individuals. In most cases the hunter declares his/her/their intentions and the prospective hunted must either decline or accept. Declinations may be conditional or permanent in nature, and must be respected. Acceptance usually results in the hunted promptly taking off like the hounds of hell are baying at their heels. Secondary parties may not cut in. All regular hunt rules apply.
> 
>  **Claim variety-** In most hunts, subduing is required to be non-sexual in nature, such claiming to be done in private after the hunt’s success has been recognized. However, the hunted _may_ specify a sexual claim for the hunt to be recognized. This is rare. When it does happen, it’s usually in a private hunt.

Tobirama is not Hashirama’s brother. This should be made clear: Tobirama is _not_ Hashirama’s brother. Oh, Hashirama _claims_ him as such and the Senju are certainly glad to have him on their side, but he is not as those outside the clan think him to be. No. Hashirama, when he was young, once wandered into a place he _really, really_ shouldn’t have and came out a week later, only slightly worse for the wear, dragging a young demon cat behind him with his newly emerged Mokuton.

Tobirama’s only comment on this is that Hashirama’s luck in life is downright surreal.

It took him a few years to manage a human form and learn how to hold it indefinitely, so the Senju are under no illusions as to what he is. They simply _don’t care_. The reason for this is twofold. First, he obeys Hashirama. He _listens_ to others, but he only directly _obeys_ Hashirama and does so without fail. Second, well…Hashirama’s temperament is a little disturbing at times. What with his dreams of peace and friendship with an enemy clan’s heir and the odd tendency of his most vocal detractors to have accidents of the rather permanent sort. Suspicion on that front originally had fallen on Tobirama, but it became clear rather quickly that it wasn’t the sort of thing Tobirama would think of doing. Tobirama’s approach to things tended to be claws first, even with Hashirama’s influence restraining him. And well, no one has been able to _trace_ the ‘accidents’ to Hashirama, but it’s still far too odd to be ignored. Between that and the power of the Mokuton, the Senju have long since decided that _caring_ that Tobirama is neither human nor related is certainly not worth the potential fallout.

When Tobirama proves to be adept at picking up swordsmanship, ninjutsu and political fundamentals and nuances, Butsuma names him second in line heir. This leads to a couple abrupt retirements of Clan elders, but overall, the clan approves of having another monster between them and the enemy if something should be able to take down Butsuma and Hashirama. Tobirama has proven to be surprisingly affectionate, loyal and viciously protective. He _understands_ humans even if he has a perpetual confusion on the limits human morals place on experimentation. Between his loyalty to Hashirama and Hashirama’s goals and the knowledge Butsuma stuffs down him every chance possible, they have a _very good idea_ of what they’ll end up with as Clan head should misfortune ever dictate that Tobirama ends up in that position.

~

Tobirama is _just close enough_ to save Kawarama, but only travelling in his natural form. Only one of the child hunters manages to escape and rumors take root about a monster haunting the Senju woods. Kawarama makes it home, limp and barely alive in Tobirama’s arms, but he survives with only a permanent limp as a souvenir.

Itama, a few years later, is not as lucky. Tobirama _notices_ , but he’s simply too far out on another mission to make it in time. A full two days away. He cannot save Itama, but by kami he _avenges_ him. Not a single member of the hunting party survives the week. Two of them are found torn apart in their own beds, one drowns mysteriously, a fourth one is slaughtered while on patrol and the last Tobirama points out to Hashirama on the battlefield and the Uchiha are treated to the first truly traumatic example of Hashirama’s power. Butsuma stops the Senju’s participation in child hunting in the face of the enormity of Tobirama’s rage over the matter.

Tajima, meanwhile, cannot decide if the Senju main family has gained a guardian spirit or if the spirit just objects vociferously to children being killed on its territory. In interests of preserving his clan, he too reluctantly calls the child hunts to a halt. Since two of the dead _(one of the two torn apart in his own bed and the other slaughtered on patrol without her teammates even hearing anything)_ are Hagoromo, who are equally unnerved, there is only a token protest from their allies on the matter. They too, do not want to further gain the wrath of a spirit this vicious.

~

Izuna, as Tobirama’s most frequent foe during clashes between the clans, gains a deep and abiding wariness of the second Senju heir. The way he perks up every time Izuna comes up with something new or figures out a counter to his newest jutsu or technique _could_ be mistaken for battle lust, but Izuna is an Uchiha. He _knows_ the expression of a cat growing bored batting around a mouse only to perk up when the mouse does something unexpected to renew its interest. Worse, he understands what that means: Tobirama _isn’t_ going full out against him even when Izuna kicks up his game and goes full out against _him_. It’s kind of like the way his brother claims that Hashirama is stronger than him, just…without the friendship involved. It’s enough to make him shudder sometimes.

Not on the field, because Izuna enjoys a good fight as well as the next person. But at home, in bed, when the lights are snuffed for the night and he has too much time to think as he waits for sleep to take him. The fact that the Senju are holding their own well enough against both the Uchiha and the Hagoromo is impressive on its own, but that two of their most powerful are _holding back_ , well, _that_ is terrifying. And that’s not even counting the spirit that apparently roams Senju lands and retaliates if those under its protection are touched. Most believe that it just protects children, but there’s some validity to the guess that it _could be_ the Senju main family under its protection and _what if it decided to fight along with them!?_

He keeps his nightmares to himself _(and he does have nightmares after thoughts like that before sleep)_ , but sometimes he checks on Madara to see he’s alive and crawls in bed and cuddles with Michiya to prove to himself that his last little brother is still alive and well. Sometimes he doesn’t even get to the nightmares, just gets overwhelmed and crawls in bed with Madara for comfort, because his aniki’s presence is enough to chase off such thoughts.

~

Tobirama himself knows very well that the Senju aren’t his kin by blood. He is the only demon among them, though Hashirama is a kindred soul, and he remembers all too well being beaten and subdued by a tiny whelp of a human who demanded his loyalty. That aside, since Hashirama calls him otouto and regards him as family and it is Hashirama to whom he owes loyalty, he regards the Senju as his clan and Hashirama’s family as his own Swift, as much if not more than he does the loose family group of demon cats he came from. _No one_ gets to harm his brothers or the ~~kittens~~ children; they are _his_ to protect and the adult Senju are also loosely under his protection.

He is not a creature of peace and has a bit of sympathy for Butsuma’s frustration for his eldest son, but it is what Hashirama wants, so he will make it happen. Naturally he lets Hashirama make the overtures he insists on, it is Hashirama’s dream and he deserves to be recognized for making it happen, but behind the scenes is a different matter. He investigates all that goes into a successful village, searches through laws to find how they can be made better and where they need to make entirely new ones for a village to prosper, he probes into researches from any country making advances to see if they may be beneficial and when those fall short, he delves into research of his own on seals and inventions that no one has considered before.

Peace is not something he dislikes the notion of, but rather finds somewhat boring in concept unless he can fill the difference with other activities. He is _sure_ that he is not the only one who has this attitude, so he plots and plans ways to make the prospective transition easier on them all.

Then comes the day where he first trials the hiraishin against Izuna and realizes a split second before impact that his blow will be lethal if it lands, that Izuna doesn’t have _time_ to dodge, and he _twists_ his sword _just enough_ that the flat of it shatters several ribs and throws Izuna backwards rather than slicing through his lungs.

It is a serious blow, quite dangerous to Izuna’s health, but not lethal, just crippling if not treated properly. That aside, the blow has Izuna wheezing, in too much pain to talk when Madara flashes to his side and Hashirama offers to heal him in exchange for peace. Unfortunately, Izuna manages to choke out a heartfelt _“No!”_ before passing out and Madara dithers only a few seconds before refusing and retreating with his brother.

Hashirama sighs and likewise signals a retreat, watching dolefully as the Uchiha withdraw, still as enemies. Then he turns a disappointed look on Tobirama.

Tobirama holds up his hands in surrender. “He should survive even if their healers are terrible. It was a miscalculation on my part, but I did manage to turn my blade enough for that.”

His brother stares at him with a flick of temper in his eyes for a long moment before his shoulders slump and he says curtly, “Be more careful.”

“I will. My apologies, Anija.”

“We need a better way. I did not realize that Madara would remain so stubborn on his otouto’s word alone.” It is obvious that Hashirama is bitterly disappointed in Izuna, but unable to dispose of him without cementing Madara’s stance against the Senju.

“Perhaps a marriage between the clans, Anija?”

Hashirama perks up. “That’s a _great_ idea, Tobi!”

“Don’t call me that.” Tobirama grumbles, resigned to the fact that Hashirama will fail to heed his disgruntlement at the nickname.

~

Kawarama enjoys having Michiya as his de facto rival/foe. They face off because they are the third sons of the main family, but Michiya has a deep sense of fair play and holds back against him, never taking advantage of the occasional misstep his gimp leg causes.

Having Michiya hiss at him, “If Aniki dies, I will _end_ you!” is less enjoyable.

What he does not enjoy _at all_ is feeling Hashirama turn the full weight of his disappointment on Tobirama. He breathes a sigh of relief when Tobirama converses with him and the pressure eases up abruptly after a few exchanges of words.

Tobirama may not have been _born_ his brother, but as far as Kawarama is concerned, he _is_ his second eldest brother. The brother who had endangered himself to rescue him from certain death. Not that he’ll mention it, because then Hashirama would cry, which is almost worse than his deadly temper, but Tobirama is his _favorite_ brother and has been ever since that day. He had loved Itama and his father dearly and loves Hashirama just as dearly, but it had been _Tobirama’s_ love for him that had saved him and he will never forget that.

He _hates_ it when his brothers are at odds.

~

Madara is alone in the forest after an easy mission that had taken him several days from home. Away from watching Izuna piece his life together again. Izuna is _fine_ and healing, and somehow had been hit with the _flat_ of a swordblade instead of its edge, a mistake he can hardly attribute to Hashirama’s otouto, given how much Izuna complains about his precision in battle. But the healers say it may be several _years_ before Izuna can bend without severe pain, that the pain may dog him for life even with their best efforts. That another blow on the weakened bones _(still currently in pieces, though splinted with chakra)_ may be the end of Izuna. As a result, Izuna is effectively retired from shinobi work and Madara is moving more administrative tasks to him.

It is disheartening to both brothers and Madara had simply needed _a break_ to get away from Izuna’s grim determination to adapt. Izuna thinks that whoever takes his place against Tobirama will be fine as long as they are willing and able to adapt, that the younger Senju will be sufficiently entertained by that to hold back, but Madara is hardly convinced by that.

Hot breath on the top of his head makes Madara freeze before shunshinning a short distance to get a look. What looks like a nightmare cross between a lynx and a tiger, higher at the shoulder than Madara is tall, is regarding him with dark red eyes. It matches the hysterical description of the sole survivor of the hunting party massacred in an attempt on the youngest Senju heir’s life.

“You are the Senju’s spirit?”

The beast gives him an amused look, then opens its mouth. “I suppose you could say that. I declare marriage hunt on you, Madara Uchiha.”

“Marri...” Madara trails off to gape at him _(by the voice, it’s definitely a him)_ , then asks carefully, “And if I refuse?”

“Hm… I suppose I’ll eat you.”

“Fuck.”

“Is that a condition?” It-He enquires in a curious tone.

Madara splutters for a moment. “What are the perimeters of the hunt?”

“If you can make it back to your clan lands without being caught, then you win. If you lose, you will be my wife.”

“Wife!?” Madara yelps in outrage, then remembers that he really doesn’t want to be eaten and he’s not entirely sure he can survive this spirit if it _does_ try to eat him. “Fine. But don’t expect me to be gentle about defending myself. You might die if you do.”

The demon cat tilts its head for a moment, then flicks its ears. “Agreeable. I will restrict myself to not causing any serious injuries.”

He supposes that’s as good as he’s going to get in this situation. Maybe he’ll get lucky and kill the creature off.

After a long moment, the spirit prompts, “Run.”

Right. He should probably do that if he wants to win instead of being eaten. Madara _runs_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hunters-** The hunters are allowed to do no damage to the hunted and no lasting damage to their competition. The hunted must be passively subdued and in no way coerced or harmed. If this is found to be violated, the hunt is considered void and the offender excluded from any further hunts. Offenders are generally excluded from all other hunts held by others as well, just on principle. If another hunter has successfully subdued the hunted within the rules, other hunters are required to recognize the claim and not attempt to claim-steal. Interfering before an attempt is successful is allowed however.
> 
>  **Groups-** Hunters are not allowed to work together unless they intend to share the hunted as a spouse, which is _only_ allowed if the hunted specifies that they are open to more than one spouse. The hunted may in that case specify the number of spouses that they are willing to take in total, limiting the size of group hunts, though there is an upper maximum of five. Group hunters must be willing to share responsibilities and duties as legal spouses and work together in a functional marriage unit. In most cases, group hunters are required to declare their group unequivocally before the start of the hunt.
> 
>  **Hunted-** The hunted are allowed to defend themselves with non-lethal force and traps and jutsus. They are also allowed to do temporary maiming, which happens fairly often in open hunts where a suitor may be particularly displeasing to the hunted. If properly subdued with no rule violations, the hunted must accept the outcome. The hunted may choose to submit voluntarily if one of the hunters particularly impresses them.
> 
> Hunts are generally called for one of two generalized reasons.  
> 1\. The hunted really fucking wants to get married to _someone_ like yesterday but doesn’t have someone specific in mind.  
> 1a. Alternately, they may have someone of inappropriate rank in mind and use it as their chance.  
> 2\. The clan really wants an uncooperative person married off and the clan head acts to call a hunt on the hunted’s behalf.  
> 2a. Alternately, it may be for the reason that the hunted is too closely related to all suitable matches within the clan and has found no acceptable alternative within allied clans.
> 
>  **Area-** Restrictions as to the size of the area a hunt takes place in and how long a hunt lasts may vary widely.
> 
>  **Skill/rank levels-** While considered poor form to go after a lesser skilled hunted, it is not forbidden or particularly derided. It is, however, required to allow the hunted to reject the result of such a hunt, should they feel that the circumstance is unjust to them as the hunted. Very few lower ranked hunted exercise this option, however, because it is considered flattering. Going after hunted of equal skill is considered normal and fair. Going after hunted of greater skill is considered ballsy and looked on with friendly amusement in general, respect if they succeed.
> 
>  **Idiots-** Wanna-be hunters who do not have the wit to potentially outfox their prey should go directly to the more reasonable option of finding a spouse via matchmaker.
> 
>  **Exceptions-** There is always the possibility of agreed on exceptions to any hunt. However, when supernatural species get involved, the rules may get a little iffy. Such as the right to turn down being hunted being disregarded. _(Almost without exception, supernatural types conduct private hunts.)_


	2. DemonKitty Hunts for Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama hunts, Madara passes out, Hashirama has a Grand Idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning:** The fade to black sex scene at the conclusion of the hunt _may_ be interpreted as implied dubious consent, so if that bothers you, feel free to skip that little bit. You won't miss much.
> 
> Parts of this fought me, parts of it I'm not entirely happy with, and some of those parts overlap. Hopefully you can enjoy it anyways. This is the second half of what was actually intended as a oneshot before it got so long on me. I _may_ write out some omakes properly at some point, but absolutely no guarantees. This is the first time I've ever written a marriage hunt, so there are probably tons of things I could have done to make it better, but this is a subject I'm painfully unfamiliar with writing, so eh, you'll just have to suffer along with me.
> 
> And _only_ because these are occasionally questions I get and the response so far to this fic has really surprised me _(in a good way)_ :  
> Yes, you may draw the scenes or characters. I'd be happy to post a link or the actual picture, depending on your preference.  
> Yes, you may use the premise.  
> Yes, you may continue the story. I'd be happy to post a link to any continuations.  
> Omakes are welcome and I will happily link them.  
> No, I probably won't be writing more on this story.  
> No, I don't expect your stories/omakes to line up exactly with the fic tone. Every writer has their own 'voice' in writing and I would never expect you to copy mine. I usually come at life from about 90 degrees off of normal and really that sounds like hell to force someone to try to replicate. Writing should be fun, not hell.  
> Yes, the chapter title is a horrible pun. (cackles)

Madara has been running for a couple hours when he abruptly realizes that reorienting himself before he started running would have been a good idea. He stops dead and then facepalms because this is a clearing he crossed _before_ meeting the Senju spirit, which means he’s been running the wrong way the entire time. Not only that, but…

He turns and dives under the swipe of a large grey paw, muttering imprecations about cats, directions and hell-born bargains.

“Ah, so you _didn’t_ realize you were going the wrong direction.” The demon cat remarks in amusement. “I had wondered.”

Blowing fire at him rather than responding to the taunt, Madara goes back to swearing, only a bit more vociferously this time. Of course the spirit had no reason to point out his error and even less reason not to mock him for making a mistake he hasn’t made since he was _seven_. That doesn’t make him feel any better about it. He’s a full three days’ run out from Uchiha lands. Wasting energy running the wrong direction _doesn’t_ _increase_ the odds of his success.

Betting on outrunning a cat is a fool’s game, he knows this. With chakra one can outrun a regular cat without issue, but not a ninneko or a summons cat. The only way to surpass a summons is being strong enough or lucky enough to outmatch it, or to endure a blistering run long enough to wear it out. Ninneko are smaller and easier to take out, but he’s seen them take down skilled, experienced shinobi. The real problem here, of course, is sheer _size_.

Madara has exceptional strength, reflexes and endurance but his speed is human. He can only push so hard without prematurely wearing himself out. The spirit on the other hand, while it wanders out of sight fairly frequently, displays no particular effort involved in keeping pace with him. In fact, he sometimes finds it waiting for him with a lazy expression. Which is a particularly unnerving expression to see on a beast which is _at least_ a good two feet taller than him if one includes the fluffy ears.

He’s heard fireside tales of demon beasts before, of course, and a description of this one has circulated among the Uchiha and Hagoromo, but he still hadn’t expected the sheer size of it. In fact…he thinks it’s actually _bigger_ than the hysterical description had insisted on. Even with hysterical fright involved, sharingan memories rarely lie. “Are you even fully grown?”

The cat tilts an ear at him from where it’s pacing him along the forest floor below him. “I believe I am what you might call a juvenile adult. Old enough to mate, but a few years left yet for filling out my full size.”

“So you were a kitten when you first took out a child hunting squad?”

This provokes a growl that prompts every hair on his body to stand on end in instinctive wariness. “Yes. You might say that.”

“I’m surprised that you bothered to protect a human child.” He prods. This gains no reply other than another ear flick, so he admits, “I’m glad you did, though. Both times. Though I probably shouldn’t say that when it was at my clan members’ expense. It got my father to call a halt to the child hunting, even though he wouldn’t listen to me, and it got the Senju to do the same, though I’m not sure why.”

The beast shoots an indecipherable look at him, then disappears into the forest without reply. Though Madara has no illusions that it has left or given up stalking him.

~

Madara only sees the demon cat a couple times out of the corner of his eye over the next few hours, just enough to let him know for sure that it’s still tracking him with no apparent effort. Pausing in a clearing for a short break, some water and a ration bar, he is nearly finished when his vision snags on a particular tree.

He _recognizes_ those claw marks! A quick survey confirms it. It isn’t the same clearing the hunt began in, but it’s one less than an hour past it. The place he had been when the demon cat first burst out of cover to swipe at him with claws out, giving him just enough time to dodge and see claws as long as his hand cut clean furrows a third of the way through the trunk of a nearby tree that took the blow instead. It certainly wasn’t something he was going to be forgetting any time soon, but the fact that it is the same place means… “Kai!”

Abruptly the lighting and shadows shift subtly. Yes, he most definitely has been running in a giant circle for hours under the influence of a subtle genjutsu that did nothing more than shift the angle of light and shadow he’s seeing.

“Argh! How did you even manage that!?” He shouts at the hidden spirit, feeling it nearby.

“Genjutsu.” Comes the unhelpful answer as it moves into sight, fur all pale shades of grey, with a rusty barred pattern starting between its ears and going to the base of its tail, wider over the shoulder and hips and rusty spots decorating its legs and chest. The tail itself is long and has alternating rings of light grey, darkening to mid-grey, and rust gradually darkening into dried-blood red at the tip, while the face is distinctly lynx-like despite the wider muzzle, with the markings in the same dark red, edging into actual black at the outer edges of the ruff and the slightly too fluffy ear tips.

“But I activated my sharingan several times during the time this must have been active! That alone should have broken it!”

“So you did.” The spirit agrees, rollicking mirth lacing its tone. “I have no obligation to answer your question, however.”

“ _You_ have a distinctly _evil_ sense of humor.” Madara grumbles in irritation. Then ducks under the swipe of a paw the size of both his hands put together, something he probably should have expected. It’s not that he thinks the cat is actively trying to hurt him, but being swatted into a tree _hurts_ , even with those lethal claws carefully sheathed. He can’t even say that the beast _doesn’t_ have the right to be smug about working a genjutsu _around_ the sharingan that he, as the Uchiha Clan head, failed to notice, resulting in the loss of an entire day’s worth of travel with only weariness, some painful full-body bruises and a few split-second instances of stark terror to-be-forever-remembered to show for his efforts. “Can we stop for the night?”

The cat demon looks surprised. “Sure. Though I hadn’t expected you to give up quite this soon.”

“No. I didn’t mean-! _Hell, no!_ ”

“Ah.” The mirth is back. “No, Madara Uchiha. I’m not about to make things _that_ easy for you. If I catch you while you’re sleeping, you’ll lose. Or were you under the misimpression that this is a child’s game?”

“You’ve _turned_ it into a game.” Madara sulks, only slightly put out, since he really didn’t expect to have the concession granted in the first place.

“Since when have you known a cat to _not_ play with their food?”

 _That_ …is a fair point. Well-fed cats often play with their prey. And while the demon cat is lean, he’s certainly not underfed.

With a sigh, he starts running again. Madara would really like to know what he’s done to deserve this…torment, however. Hopefully something other than looking like a tasty snack. He might ask if he wasn’t afraid of the answer.

~

Madara has been running for something like four days now, interspersed with collectively about 2hrs worth of catnaps _(hah!)_ and brief breaks. He may be the best of the Uchiha _(and a lot of lesser clans as well if he wants to be accurate)_ , but he’s only human and he’s flagging. Something which the damned demon cat shows absolutely no signs of. If the creature decides to eat him after all now, well, it won’t even be a struggle, just a few protesting flailings on Madara’s part.

It definitely doesn’t help that he’s basically one giant bruise from being swatted into multiple trees and streams over the course of several days, that he has to break a genjutsu every time he crosses even the tiniest creek _(he’d finally figured out how the spirit was setting them up, even if he isn’t any closer to reverse engineering how to replicate the effect)_ , that his opponent is the very definition of unpredictable and has a perverse enjoyment of appearing out of nowhere, that he’s been living off of ration bars _(which he’s run out of)_ and water, and that every step brings the jarring, swimming sensation of borderline nausea brought on by consuming too many chakra pills _(which are a bad substitute for ration bars, but what else was he to do?)_ without rest to recuperate. But he’s less than half a day from the border of Uchiha lands and he can all but taste victory.

All he needs to do is last a few more hours.

A massive paw to the back smashes him into the ground, which is a new one and… He realizes that the demon cat is _standing_ on him. And also that he’s going to be lucky to be able to limp like a crippled hunchback after that blow, much less run. His eyes don’t want to stay open either. The fight goes out of him abruptly.

“As much as I’m enjoying this, I don’t want to give you grounds to argue that you’ve won, so we’re ending this here.” The cat informs him.

There is a long silence before Madara realizes that the cat is waiting for an acknowledgement. “Ah. I yield. You win."

The paw is removed, but Madara can’t work up the energy to do so much as twitch. Then there are hands on him and he thinks, _Ah, so he can shape shift._ It’s probably good that his new husband has a human form, though he can’t think of why at the moment.

“What are you doing?” He enquires once it occurs to him that he’s being undressed.

“You made consummation a requirement.”

“I-” _didn’t_ , he wants to say, then remembers the spirit asking, _“Is that a requirement?”_ and how he had ignored the question and _not answered_. “Oh. Fuck.”

“Precisely.” His new husband _(or to be shortly husband? which is it?)_ agrees in a dry tone. “By the way, do you require an heir?”

He wonders if that’s an offer to find him a newborn demon kitten as his heir and decides he should probably nip that thought in the bud. “No. Izuna is my heir, and even if neither of us reproduce, strength of sharingan can be prioritized over bloodlines. My grandfather was originally from a collateral line, so it’s not as if the position hasn’t changed hands within the clan before.”

Hands touch him intimately and he thinks he should turn his head and open his eyes to see what his husband looks like, but turning his head is beyond him right now and as for opening his eyes, he’s just too tired to quite manage it. At least the demon cat _(demon human? demon…? just plain demon sounds fine to him)_ is being gentle and careful, and really, that’s all he can really ask for given the situation, so to hell with it. He’ll look later. Like when just breathing doesn’t take far too much energy.

“Ah, I suppose I’ll have to find another volunteer for that jutsu, then.”

“You use jutsu?”

“I used genjutsu on you, why would I not be able to use other jutsus?” His spouse sounds puzzled.

Madara opens his mouth, then realizes the logic in his head is more of an unexplainable jumble and gives up.

~

Madara wakes up in a spot he recognizes as well within Uchiha borders and ponders briefly how he got here. _(But, well, demon cat spirit. It was probably stupidly easy for the beast.)_ He remembers the quite passible sex _(which is something of a miracle given he’d been too exhausted to participate)_ and thinking he should _really_ open his eyes to check what his husband looks like in human form, and then-

Nothing.

He must have passed out by that point.

A cleared throat makes him flinch in startlement. “Madara-sama?”

Managing to crack his eyes open slightly, he glares at the Uchiha hovering over him uncertainly. “ _What?_ ”

Ritsu jumps a little at his tone, then steadies himself. “Do we need to prepare to face the enemy you tangled with? Or…? I assume you were able to finish them.”

Laughter bubbles up unbidden and spills out of his throat croakily. “No. If you have to face them, you’re done for to begin with. Help me up. I need to tell Izuna and the elders about the marriage hunt I just lost.”

“ _Lost?_ ” The disbelieving tone and widening of his eyes probably shouldn’t be so hysterical, but fuck if Madara can bring himself to care.

~

A moment before Hashirama bursts into his lab, Tobirama sighs and lays aside a half finished experimental seal. It’s an excellent thing that he’s a good enough sensor to notice people within a certain range without actively paying attention. Seals messed up by a moment of startlement are unpredictable and generally have weird or dangerous side effects.

Like the batch of green rice that turned purple and had to be smashed flat two different times before it quit restoring itself to its previous state. Kawarama refers to the incident as Purple Zombie Rice Flakes. Personally, Tobirama considered it an interesting, if inadvertent, exploration into the usage of time reversal seals. He still didn’t know why the rice had turned purple, however. It had been perfectly edible. Hashirama had insisted on cooking and eating it, declared it the tastiest rice porridge he’d ever eaten and then cheerfully gone around with dark purple teeth for a week or so.

The door to his lab slams open noisily to emit Hashirama, excitedly waving around a scrap of parchment. “Tobirama, Tobirama! Madara asked to meet with me! You have to come along!”

Tobirama gives his older brother a droll look. “He asked you to come alone, didn’t he?”

“Well, yes, but-! I need you to come along because I have things to discuss with him too, and it won’t be the same if you aren’t there! Don’t worry, you can hang back until I tell him it’s okay.”

He highly doubts that Madara will consider it okay, but it probably is best if he comes along _this_ time, considering the circumstances. “Alright.”

~

Tobirama does hang back as Hashirama and Madara approach each other across the small river, but not so far as to be out of Madara’s sight. Madara is an excellent sensor _too_ , after all. Not that Tobirama _can’t_ hide his presence from him, but it takes more effort than he’d like to admit to. But still. A hidden presence is more likely to be taken as deliberate betrayal than an unexpected presence.

Particularly when Madara’s not at his best. The few days since the hunt aren’t a long enough time for him to have fully recovered.

He can sense that Madara’s reserves are only about half recovered and given the stiff way he moves, he’s still in a fair amount of pain. Which…fair. His bruises’ bruises had probably had great grand-children by the time the hunt was finished and bruises are rarely worth a healer’s effort. _Stupid_ , but fair.

“What is _he_ doing here?” Madara demands immediately.

Hashirama beams. “I asked him to come, because of what I want to discuss with you!”

Madara gives him a leery look and eyes Tobirama mistrustfully. “Fine. Quit lurking, Senju.”

Tobirama raises a brow at him and saunters forward, somewhat amused at the hostility. A bit of a grudge there, apparently.

“What did you want to talk about, Hashirama?”

“Oh, about peace! Madara, I offer you Tobirama’s hand in marriage. That should be enough for your clan to accept peace, right?”

Tobirama shoots Hashirama a dark look that promises a _serious_ conversation later. Because really? It would have been nice to have been _asked_ if he was willing first.

Madara folds his arms, looking taken aback. “I can talk about peace, but I can’t accept that proposal. I’m already married.”

“‘Already-! But- But-” Hashirama flails. “Madara, can’t you-? Surely they wouldn’t be offended if peace is the result?”

“If you’re asking if I will divorce my spouse, then no. And I do think your Senju spirit would be _highly_ offended if I should ask for a divorce for _any_ reason.”

Hashirama’s eyes widen. “Senju spirit? Tobirama, did you-?”

“Not now, Anija.” Tobirama interrupts. “And he’s right. I _would_ be quite offended.”

“You-!” Madara freezes, then points a trembling finger at him. “You-! _Demon cat!?_ ”

He raises both brows in surprise. _Ah, well he had **thought** Madara had seen his human form at the end of the hunt, but if not, it does explain the lack of hostility over the ‘discovery’._ “Yes. Though I would prefer the term ‘anata’ from you, wife.”

“But… But…albino?”

“No. Demon cat. Is your memory impaired, wife?”

Madara splutters and flails for approximately nineteen seconds before Hashirama snaps out of his surprise, dashes across the stream and bear hugs Madara. “Madarrrra! I’m so happy for you! I can’t believe you and Tobi got married without letting me knoooow!”

Tobirama eyes Madara’s abruptly too pale complexion and the gasping wheezes of breath, and decides to intervene. “Anija, you should probably heal him before you hug him like that.”

He lets go like he’s been burned. “Healing? What?”

“It was a marriage hunt,” he clarifies. “Bruises, lots of them.”

Hashirama flutters for a moment, then starts checking over Madara with medical chakra.

“Tobirama, you’re not supposed to _maim_ your suitors in a hunt.” He scolds after a few moments.

“What do you have in that head of yours? Egg pudding?” Madara asks acidly. “ _He_ hunted _me_ , and _I_ was doing my best to kill _him_. Besides, it’s bruising, not maiming. I’m _fine_. My clan healers already took care of the bone bruises and anything else slightly dangerous.”

“Madarrrra! Why would you try to kill my little brother!?”

“I didn’t know he is your brother, idiot. You never mentioned that your brother is a _demon cat_! And if I _had_ known, he tried to kill Izuna!”

“I did not.” Tobirama interjects mildly. “If I’d wanted Izuna dead, I wouldn’t have turned the blade. How is he, anyways?”

Madara glowers at him for a long moment before admitting, “Healing. Slowly. He wanted to come with me, but I didn’t allow it.”

“Why _did_ you want to meet? You never said.”

“I assumed that you- that the Senju spirit hunted me with the intention of enforcing peace on both clans. The elders were rather…impressed with your ability to best me so thoroughly. So I came to discuss a cessation of hostilities. We presumed that Hashirama would be open to the idea.”

“I am! I am!” Hashirama assures him cheerfully. “Just think! With peace, we can build our village, Madara!”

“Yes, that rather was my intent.” Tobirama agrees slowly. Knowing his wife is intelligent in things outside of battle is one thing, seeing it in action is quite another. “It is well done of you to have figured it out so quickly.”

Madara flushes slightly and looks away. “Yes, well. I’m not stupid.”

“I never implied otherwise. And Izuna is not objecting to the ceasefire?”

“Izuna.” Madara grimaces. “Is more interested in teasing me about falling in love with a kitty cat than in objecting to bowing to the whims of a dangerous spirit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, Madara changed the terms of the hunt to allow him to use lethal force against ‘the spirit’. Tobirama accepted it, but under the condition that the term of ‘no harm to the hunted’ became ‘no permanent damage to the hunted’. I didn’t feel like writing out all the individual skirmishes, but indeed, Madara tries repeated to kill or maim Tobirama, and in return, Tobirama bats him around like a cat toy at intervals.   
> The biggest difference between them here is that Tobirama can travel faster than Madara, so he is taking long naps here and there during the times he disappears, while purposely interrupting Madara’s naps at every chance. He’s also eating properly, because he _planned_ for this.
> 
> To be clear, an utterly passive partner on the verge of passing out is _not_ Tobirama’s preference; he’s just complying with the terms of the hunt, accidental as they may be on Madara’s part.  
> As for Madara, he’s more kicking himself over being an idiot than having any other negative feelings about it. He’s just too exhausted to care at this point. If it’s not clear there, he’s actually hit loopy-tired. Which really? Not a good place to be in when having sex with a new partner and fuck if I’ll actually write it out, because hell no. The only reason he could really enjoy it was because Tobirama sensibly went out of his way to make sure he did.  
> Tobirama, _because he’s Tobirama_ , did talk to him the entire time about odd things, which at least kept Madara awake, but I think the talking about weird, unrelated things during sex might be a ‘them’ thing.
> 
> Tobirama, dear, using sex change jutsu on your new spouse without warning is not the same as someone volunteering.   
> Madara has no idea what a narrow escape he just had there.  
> Also, headcanon here that the sharingan gets its strength from emotion, therefore those who feel things the most deeply have the strongest sharingans. Therefore, there’s _always_ drama from the head family, because they just can’t help themselves. Even if they pretend otherwise very well. And of course, they choose heirs from collateral lines by strength of sharingan if the main family has no heirs, as happened with Madara’s grandfather.
> 
> Hashirama, dear, ‘tis best to _warn_ someone before you volunteer their hand in marriage to your clan’s traditional enemy.
> 
>  **OMAKE 1, cuz I’m too tired to write it out properly** :  
> Madara, explaining to pertinent parties that he’s now married to the Senju spirit, with still no freaking idea what his husband looks like in human form. Not that he’ll admit it, because he doesn’t want Izuna to tease him forever.  
> Izuna and the elders, deciding that it’s too dangerous to the clan to risk pissing off the spirit who can kill experienced ninjas without anyone noticing _and_ beat Madara to hell and back with apparent ease.  
> Izuna, deciding to lighten the atmosphere by pissing his brother off by way of teasing him about falling in love with a ‘kitty cat’.
> 
>  **OMAKE 2, also because I’m too tired to write it out properly and courtesy of peppymint’s suggestion** :  
> Tobirama deciding to check on Izuna _(cuz wants to make sure his favorite toy isn’t broken)_ , casually lounging in half-shifted, humanoid kitty form _(claws visible and upper fang-tips poking out delicately over his bottom lip)_ on a handy tree branch while waiting for him to pass by.   
> Uchihas taking one look at the grey and rust fur and the size, and _Noping_ the fuck out of there.  
> Izuna being informed that the Senju spirit is lurking and going over to assess the threat. _“Tobirama!?!?”_  
>  Tobirama eyeing him narrowly, then jumping down in front of him and healing him without a ‘by your leave’ while Izuna’s brain is busy with short-circuiting, _‘Senju spirit is Tobirama. Senju spirit is aniki’s husband. Tobirama is- DOES NOT COMPUTE. Tobirama is- DOES NOT COMPUTE.’_


End file.
